It’s the first Monday of my two-week residency in the Mawddach Estuary in Wales. I arrived in Barmouth on Thursday, walked the coast and hills for a few days, and then moved over on Saturday.

Why am I here? Ostensibly, to read and write and think about sustainable practice and inclusivity in printmaking practice. Between the reading, walking and drawing, however, I suppose I’m here to make a decision, or at least, a steer.

I’m privileged to be at a crossroads, an intersection where artist, technician, and academic meet, but it’s beginning to feel as though I’m running out of time. Whether that is from climate anxiety, changes to my own mind and body as time passes, or the rapidly shifting landscape of higher education, time feels like it is slipping away and my personal resources are limited.

I know there are people, amazing people and printmakers, who can do it all – teach rigorously, write thoughtfully, and make meaningfully, I now know that isn’t me.

When I was working in HE, I gave it everything and made nothing.

When I teach or tech now, if I’m not completely prepared, I cannot focus on anything else.

When I’m making work, I dream of colours, compositions, process.

And when I was reading about inclusive arts education and critical race theory yesterday, all day, I was so absorbed I didn’t notice someone was taking photographs of me until she mentioned it at dinner. (This was fine, by the way, I’m not having a go at her!)

Today another book awaits, more drawing, and a walk over a hill.